


Your Stereotypical Anime Club DirkJohn Fic

by imsorrycantrelate



Series: Stereotypical Anime Club Fics [1]
Category: Homestuck, anime - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 09:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10461576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsorrycantrelate/pseuds/imsorrycantrelate
Summary: Rufioh, Damara, Meulin, Dirk, and John all meet up to talk about anime. Shit happens.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I literally just wrote this between cooking au's so enjoy. So far it's a one-off but I can update if I feel like its necessary.

“Hello everyone, dolls and um...people. Welcome to our first meeting for Anime Club, you can just, yeah sit anywhere you want. Hi, I’m the club um… leader? President? I don’t know what we were rolling with here. My name’s Rufioh... yeah... like the guy from Hook. Yeah… Anyway would you all like to introduce yourselves?”  
Rufioh sat down. He decided not to wear his usual outfit, and was wearing a jean vest and a shirt that said “No. 1 Weeb”. He wore a knitted cat hat that Meulin had given to him, full to the brim with pins of different characters. It was so heavy that Rufioh sometimes wondered if he was getting enough blood to his brain. He held onto his messenger bag, also full to the brim with pins, ranging from rainbows to memes to old buttons he bought from cons.  
A girl with a cute green dress and a cat tail pinned to her got up excitedly when she finished reading Rufioh’s lips. “My name’s Meulin! It’s great to see more members in our club, we were really having trouble finding new members!”  
The girl who sat next to her in a red school girl’s outfit nodded.  
Meulin continued, “We used to have more members, but Horuss was too busy to come today, Meenah only came once, Kankri came once then said something about cultural appropriation or something? Kurloz used to come, but he’s too busy now so is everyone else! Except Cronus but...no that’s everyone! So would you guys like to say who you are, newcomers?” Meulin took a slip of paper from her cat backpack. She took out a pencil.”  
Rufioh tapped on her shoulder. “Oh, are you keeping a roll sheet? I’m not sure if we need that Meulin.”  
“That wasn’t what I was doing, but maybe I’ll do that too!” Meulin said excitedly. Rufioh noticed that the paper she had taken out was a table, covered with weird card symbols. Rufioh backed away.  
“I’m Aradia, I learned about this club through Damara. I don’t really watch anime that much, but I brought some friends who do.”  
“Hi, my name’s John, I haven’t watched anime in a while, but I tried to read a māngah once. It was cool, but I think they printed it wrong, everything was backwards.” John wore a naruto headband and a shirt with slimer on it.  
The boy next to him was seething. He wore extremely pointed sunglasses, fingerless gloves, and a shirt that had a black and white striped suit printed on it. “Dirk. I’m Dirk,” he mumbled when he saw everyone was looking at him. “I’m not associated with this man in any way.” He cracked his knuckles. “I like anime.”  
“Well that’s everyone,” said Rufioh, getting up. “Should we write down some ideas for anime we could watch on the board? Or maybe some ideas for things we could do or raise money for? Maybe Meulin can show us all how to make these hats so we could match?! Or I could give you guys some cosplay tips? or Damara can teach us some Japanese words?” His eyes lit up thinking about it. He rolled up the projector sheet, revealing “ANIME WAS A MISTAKE” written all across the white board. “Haha...how about that…” Rufioh laughed nervously as he erased the board. Only some of it came off, changing the text to “F U BITC)(”  
Damara got up, sighing, then threw a needle at the board, barely missing Rufioh. Instead of erasing the marks, it just stuck into the board, weighing it down so that it fell flat on the floor. It almost fell on top of Rufioh, but he managed to fly out of the way. Another white board was beneath it, so Rufioh kicked away the other and started writing.  
“Ugh, there’s so much we could watch. I don’t know how we’ll pick any. We could watch Soul Eater, Gurren Lagann, Devil’s a Part Timer, we could even watch Ghibli Movies…”  
“Could we watch The Last Airbender? I heard that was a good show,” said John.  
Dirk’s eyes slowly shifted to look at John in the face. “This is an Anime club, John.”  
“Yeah, The Last Airbender. Or I heard of this other one called RWBY, I heard people like that too.”  
“This is an ANIME club John. I’m going to fucking deck you into the table if you don’t shut your stupid-ass mouth do we have that fucking clear?”  
No one could tell if either of them were joking, because if they were, they were being as dead-pan as possible. Dirk’s hands were shaking.  
Rufioh tried to calm them down, “Now everyone, just because this is an anime club doesn’t mean we have to defend our claims about the definition of anime, or whether this was all just a mistake...or if our existences are just mistakes...anyway we don’t have to limit ourselves to the genre! We could watch The Last Airbender, but it is an out of body experience for me sometimes...I don’t know why.”  
Damara whispered something to Aradia, who’s eyes widened. She cackled a bit. Dirk asked what she said.  
“She said that Rufioh is struggling because he’s not sure if he’s kin with Zuko, but he also really wants to...I’m going to mess up this translation a bit...he’s attracted to him and would enjoy doing certain things...with him? Um, Damara, haha, that’s great but I’m not sure if that’s appropriate. Okay I’ll put this bluntly. Rufioh really wants to fu-” Aradia stopped talking when he saw Rufioh staring intensely at them.  
“Hey, dolls, could you please...be respectful and not have side chats? And not spread...rumors?”  
Damara leaned back in her chair, saying something to dismiss Rufioh, winking at Aradia and wiggling her eyebrows. Aradia held back her laughter. Rufioh went back to the board, writing out all the ideas until there was no space on the board.  
“Hey, you forgot Narootu,” John said, waving his hand.  
Dirk dramatically got up as if he were in an anime, making his chair fall on the ground. He slammed his hands on the desk in front of him. “WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY??? ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE THIS CLUB SERIOUSLY OR NOT JOHN?!? I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T I WILL THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW INTO THE UNKNOWN, THEN BEHEAD MYSELF, THEN KILL YOU WITHOUT MY HEAD, THEN DECK YOU INTO THE WALL, THE CHAIR, MY LIFE, YOU'RE FUCKING MOVIE COLLECTION, THEN YOU'LL FUCKING DIE OF JUSTICE YOU BITTCH!!!”  
“Hey, hey, that’s not the kind of language we use in Anime Club. Shiz man, you don’t need to work yourself up like that. So which anime do you think we should watch first?” Rufioh acted as if the situation was normal.  
“Well maybe these weebs and wannabees,” Dirk glanced at John, “could do with some quality. So I would say Soul Eater or Gurren Lagann.”  
“Aw man, I love Soul Eater...Maka is one of my faves. She’s a bad a-asterisk-ss, and she’s like the best meister, no contest. All that character development, her story arc with Soul…”  
“Wait, wait, best meister? Um, I think you meant Death the Kid? I must have misheard you there.”  
“D-dude? Are you in some kind of denial shaz? You think that edgy punk is the best meister? Maka is like, the best character, that’s why she’s the main one. I mean, she actually has personality other than riding a skateboard and being obsessed with symmetry.”  
Dirk had his hands on his head, visibly shaking. “Shit, your right. How dare you make me question this, I thought this was anime club, not existential question beatdown fuckkk.” John pulled him back when he saw he was ready to jump out of the window.  
“That’s what I’m here for, haha, making people question things. Damara please don’t take that out of context.”  
Damara smirked and said something, Aradia bursting out laughing.  
Rufioh looked tired, very, very, tired. “Anyways, are there any other activities we’d want to do? Oh, I know! We could have art contests!”  
After Meulin finished reading his lips, she jumped up excited. “Yes! I love art contests! What are the rules this year? You’re not banning ship art this year like Kankri kept on insisting?” She made puppy eyes, or more like kitten eyes.  
“It wasn’t just Kankri, Meulin, it was Meenah, Aranea, Latula, Mituna, Damara, generally everyone but me and Cronus. It was mostly cause you kept on making real person art, doll.”  
“B-But, oh fine, I guess I can get along just fine keeping it to myself...” She looked at Dirk and John one more time, then made a symbol in her notebook before putting it away.  
Damara stared at Rufioh intensely, taking out one of her needles and pointing it at him, as if to warn him if he didn’t change his mind.  
Rufioh cleared his throat, “Oh, well, ship art is fine. P-please don’t…” Damara shot a needle at Rufioh’s head. It instead caught on his hat, pinning it to the board behind him. He stepped to the side and in front of it. Damara nodded, then motioned Meulin to lean over to her. She shows her a ziploc bag. Then she reveals it to be a green substance. Meulin’s eyes light up. She takes it, and so does Damara. Then Damara takes out a lighter.  
“They, are they smoking in the middle of our meeting?” Dirk whispered to John.  
“Aw man, hit me with some of that,” John leans back to grab a joint. Dirk slaps his hand.  
“It’s fucking catnip.”  
“Oh.” He blinks. “Hey, can I still have some? Dirk, hey cut it out,” John leaned back in his chair to grab a joint again, but Dirk pulled him back over.  
“I’m not letting you sniff, snort or smoke fucking catnip in this club. You can go ahead and do that in depression manifesto, but this is fucking serious business here in anime club.”  
“Dude, do we have that club? You think they got anything better than ‘nip there? Like oregano or some shit?” John was messing with Dirk at this point, hoping to see him go ape-shit again.  
Instead, Dirk breathes heavily. “You’re a fucking bitch, and I hope you know that. You’re a fucking bitch who doesn’t know the difference between a Funimation and a 4kids dub. You read mangas backwards and forget character names the instance you hear them. You’re a little shit who pronounces the u in desu and says kawaii incorrectly and unironically. I’ve barely met you since now, but I know everything about you.”  
“I bet you didn’t know this.”  
“What?”  
“You're a baka.”  
Dirk proceeded to flip the table, throw John out the window, grab one of Damara’s needles to stab himself, come to life again, jump out the window, then throw John back into the room. He then flips the table over again, this time so that its flipped the right way. Damara and Meulin continue to lay back, as Rufioh tries to stop it. Aradia finally stops the fight.  
“Dirk, stop beating up John.” Aradia stands between them, John smirking and completely fine, wiping off the blood. He sticks his tongue out and flips him off.  
“The little bitch deserved it.”  
Meulin shouted at him too, “Yeah, stop beating up your boyfriend!” Damara nods.  
John starts blushing insanely, Dirk even more so. “I thought we had a no real life shipping rule in place.” His hands are shaking, ready to abscond and flip a few more tables, maybe cut things in half with a katana.  
John stutters, “Um, I guess we didn’t make it clear that we’re not? And they’re high so we have to give them a break.” John laughs nervously, then sits at his desk. Dirk sits down, a chair away from everyone.  
Rufioh clears his throat. Damara starts shooting needles as if they were darts, Rufioh’s face being the target. “Let’s um, let’s move on from that. So we decided on art contests, how about the first one is due next week. What should the art prompt be?”  
“Damara says it should be Rule 34 of you, Prince Zuko, Naruto and Fukushima behind a Taco Bell at midnight,” translated Aradia.  
“Okay, we know what Damara wants, but what do the rest of you want?”  
“Puppets,” Dirk muttered.  
Rufioh groaned, “I’ll just come up with the theme then, if none of you mind. The prompt is your favorite character, it can be any character, heck, it can just be any character. ONE character. It can be a puppet, it can be a living sword, it can be anything as long as it's from an anime. Is that clear?”  
John raised his hand. “Is it okay if we draw Prince Zuko, though?” he said, half jokingly. Damara said something, Aradia having to hold back her laughter.  
“I swear, John, nothing gets through your fucking skull. He JUST said that it has to be from an anime. Your jokes don’t even make sense, you dimwit.”  
“Look, I’m here to have fun, I’m not sure about you,” said John. Damara leaned over to Aradia, whispered something, and wiggled her eyebrows. Aradia couldn’t control her laughter, and leaned back so far in her chair she fell on the floor. Meulin went along, even though she had no idea what they were saying, and started laughing uncontrollably too.  
Dirk was too distracted by John’s ignorance to notice. “John, you fuckwad, who said anime club was for fun? Anime isn’t for fun, it's a lifestyle. It’s my life.”  
“Dirk, I think you might be taking this too seriously. Even though, it is hilarious, getting under your skin so easily about this, cause you don’t usually lose your cool this easily. I don’t think, I haven’t known you for too long.”  
“I’m not losing my cool, you’re just inciting my temper.” He adjusted his glasses, breathing in and out to try to calm down to prove his point.  
“You threw me out of the fucking window.”  
“Yeah, it’s not like you're the first guy I’ve done that to, don’t act like it was special.” The girls whispered and laughed more. “I could have thrown you off the roof if I wanted, or stabbed you with a needle. You see, I left that for myself, because out of the two of us here, I deserve the most dramatic death.”  
“Wait, you fucking died? When?”  
“Like five minutes ago, you asshole, you were too busy being outside.”  
“Cause you threw me out the fucking window!”  
“Bro, don’t have to make this fucking personal, honestly. Like dude, you’re starting to lose your cool. You need to chill, just enjoy anime club and for the love of anime, shut the fuck up.”  
John decided to listen to Dirk, just this once, since he just really wanted to get this all over with. He sat back disgruntledly.  
Rufioh stood, speechless for a minute or so. “S-sorry, the ever looming concept of eternity was getting to me halfway through that. So, next meeting, we’ll watch Soul Eater and have the art contest. And how about the winner of the contest gets to choose what we watch the following week? Then we can discuss making plans for trips outside of this room, like we could go to cons and sh-shenanigans. Yeah, that sounds bangin’. Damara please, why do you come here to harass me?” A needle almost pierced his neck, “Oh that’s right. Anyway, can’t wait to see you all next week. You can bring some more members too, this is a casual club so they can just stop by.” A really long school bell went off, one that lasted at least a minute.  
Rufioh flies off into the distance, Damara, Meulin and Aradia flying off in a different direction. John and Dirk are the last to leave.  
“You better shape up, buttercup, study your fucking anime.”  
“I’m glad I have all these quotes on record from coming from you. See you next week, dork.” He flies away.  
“We’re going in the same fucking direction you dick.”  
“Oh yeah, hey. I wanted to show you some memes…”  
John shows him some of his homemade naruto memes. “Are these supposed to be ironic?” asked Dirk.  
“Dirk, why don’t you ever appreciate my memes? Here, maybe you’ll get these.” John shows him his depression memes.  
“Okay, I have a bit more respect for you. I might keep it if you don’t do what you did today.”  
“What, completely embarrass you?”  
“You’re going to do it anyway, but I mean purposely. Like don’t pull that mānga shit.”  
“You never answered why it’s printed backwards.”  
“You fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> lol there's a [ part two ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12397683)now guys


End file.
